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Tuesday, 23 November 2010

  • OK it is official... I'm depressed

    i don't know what depresses me more, the fact that i finally found something that interested me and im failing it, or the fact that i hate the whole thing and i am add or something because i cant concentrate long enough to care - meaning that i just lost intrest in it

    i work two crap jobs and get paid about 300 every two weeks (thats if im lucky) and pay 200 for my food/rent and pay the rest to everything else (student loans and cell bills and visa bills). 

    i want to travel, i don't want to learn. my parents don't care and suddenly i don't care about them. i don't care about anything. not a damn thing. i get sick a lot now. it could be the stress or the thyroid thing that runs in the family. or it could be the birth control. fuck me if i have to get off it because the only thing i enjoy and makes me happy is sex.

    don't get me wrong i like my friends but for the most part, they aren't there, maybe its kids or school or sports or jobs or distance but i thought that being in the middle of no where was the reason i didn't get to see my friends. 

    my family just hates me, its like no matter what i do i do it wrong and i wont be happy doing whatever they want but its tearing me apart

    Is it so crazy to just want something for yourself? i would do anything to just get the fuck out of here

    YOU hear me god I HATE IT HERE. my family hates me, hates what i do. my friends (exept lysha and jesse) are the only ones who give a rats ass. 

    WHY did you ^ take elma away, i could have used a hug from her right now. Grandma i miss you so much, you were the last one who needed to die from cancer. you didn't deserve that slow painful death. i would have traded you. why do i deserve to live when someone like you is gone

    im a broken person. i don't need to be. in comparison to other people i am not in the worst situation

    oh and both vehicles i have ever been given to use i have driven like 2 or 3 times and then they break down and i am bussing once again.

    i hate to say it but im not lucky or patient or as beautiful as everyone says. its official i hit the bottom and its a rock

     

Friday, 20 August 2010

  • so

    i finally moved to town.... in other words. i am actually doing shit with my life

    in other news.....

    i love how everyone knows about the oil spill and all of a sudden no one cares.... the problem is still there idiots

    i love how i live in a place where half the year its covered in snow and the other half its covered in smoke.... i need vitamin D dammit

    i love how everyone is so racist because of 911. we have done worse, i mean REALLY!

    i love how I'm being so the opposite of sarcastic right now

    i love my excellent spelling (not spell checking at all)

    yeah thats my thoughts

    IM SO ADDICTED TO POKEMON.... im such a bad person

Sunday, 03 January 2010

Tuesday, 29 December 2009

  • poor people

    im a person who watches movies and really lets it get to me, when i was 8 i watched hercules and desided i could carry my dad across the room (i thought i did but he was on his tip toes)

    but the other day i watched the blind side and thought, all these bad things happen and no one helps anyone anyways, but at the same time, no one seems to think they have a choice and get out of that situation.... like me for example, i complain about living out of town, at the same time, it scares the hell out of me to drive so i have the choice to go but it terrifies me to go out and possibly kill myself or someone else in a vehicle, so i am a chickenshit.

    i know i am, but i could d something about it, i confrount my fears, i try driving and i have many different teachers telling me many different things, speed go faster, your only alowed to be with in 5 k of the speed limit over or under, your going too fast, FUCK SLOW DOWN, and my favorite, pull over if they hastle you.

    i could move to town.... no job, maybe minimum wadge and i have to upgrade my math.... uggg. i really need to go to uni to have a good life, i just want to be happy, i dont need much, but i still am paying like 60 - 80 thous to be a history teacher... not my first choice (art teacher) but im good at it and i would like it so why not?

    then theres the small task of not failing anything of these choices, ive only failed at the small stuff, nothing major, passed all my classes and wasnt the best or worse at anything, im just average, unless you count the many guys who seem to think im some sort of barbie or toy they can win like a carnival prize. I DO NOT THINK I LOOK THAT GOOD, im not bad... just average, thats all. i have a boyfriend and they seem to think its just a hurdle they have to get around to get to me, some guys have gaul.

    1: he could not possibly love you like i can baby..... puking in mouth

    2: he doesent have to know...... i have now acctually barfd

    3: common hes not as good looking as me and you know it... OMG

    4:(my fave) i dont have as much to offer but i can cook and clean

    i said no of course but if you know a girl has a boyfriend and shes willing to cheat with you, who will she cheat on you with if your acctually lucky enough to date her, it leads no where..... jesus help these people.anyways so then i find out after i quit that my boss only hired me because he thought i was hot.... thank god i quit. im mentioning alot a religious crap here but im not overly bad, i can talk about anything.

    oh and one more thing, just because a girls nice to you, doesent mean she likes you, its called being polite

     

Friday, 16 October 2009

  • man oh man

    i dont know what im gonna do, withdrawls suck, if you know what im talking about, my boyfreind keeps getting sent away, first he starts in pg, then hes in watson lake for 6 months, then hes in terrace for a couple, what next?

    they might even send him to nunavut..... If thats the case, I may as well just give up now. seriously, i dont stand a chance.

smarceau

  • Visit smarceau's Xanga Site
    • Name: sarah
    • Birthday: 10/31/1990
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 11/6/2007

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About Me

  • lol im fun, beautiful and try too hard not to upset people, im a good listener and i try to be a good friend, i like to travel and try new things

Pulse

  • wow, its soo dark behind me, i dont look to my past, yet when i look into my futre it is just as dark and hopeless, i just wait in the now
  • to love or to live, that is the age old question, why do we choose, why do we try to avoid the inevitable. i love him, yet i want to live.
  • the secret to happyness. stupidity. the secret to sucess however is smarts

Chatboard (2)

  • smarceau
    soo sad
  • smarceau
    aww, i just realized that im probably the only one to write on this
  • smarceau
    Where: church When: 2006 a funeral where i didnt cry, i realised after goin to a few funerals that the only reason i ever cried was because other people cried, and i wasnt acctually sad, because i knew she/ he was a good person and lived a good life (imported from memories)
  • smarceau
    Where: bus When: 1998 had my first kiss with josh, and to this day he thinks im a good kisser lol, he told me. and then i slapped him lol (imported from memories)
  • smarceau
    Where: school When: 1995 i got into kindergarten, but unlike the other kids i couldnt speak, i had to go to a special voise councilor to learn ,and that is why i talk alot, making up for lost time lol (imported from memories)
  • smarceau
    Where: hospital When: 1990 i was born, a miracle, to know that i had no father till i was three years old still shocks me. if you have an alcohol problem or you know someone who does fix it because it hurts everyone, not only you. (imported from memories)
  • smarceau
    Where: my grandmas room When: 2008 i was talking to her and she had cancer. and i told her i loved her, and she told me that she loved me, and she knew that everyone loved her. then she told me to then go away. at 8 07am she died, and i knew she was happy. and she watching over me (imported f